Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A Beginning, A Middle, And An End

Every story has a beginning a middle and an end. Some stories have multiple volumes or chapters. The chapter of my life that was ruled by CML is at it's end. I still have cancer in my bone marrow, but I'm moving on.

In the beginning I was angry, confused and depressed. Asking how and why this happened to me. Desperately searching for the light of reason in the chaos. I was on disability for 5 months and spent 80% of that on the couch suffering the side effects of the drug that was keeping me alive. I was told it would be difficult or impossible to have children. I cried.

In the middle Wendy and I found out that we could indeed have children. The visits to Stanford for my checkups became less and less eventful. They even got boring. I went back to work part time, then changed companies and accepted a very challenging full time position. There were a couple of weeks here and there where I got so run down that I missed work. Then even those stopped happening. I posted less and less on this blog.

In the end, Wendy and I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy that brings a smile to my face every time I come home from work. I don't think about CML anymore. I've essentially stopped posting things on this blog because nothing interesting happens that's related to CML. My visits to Stanford come every 3 months. I see the hematologist for about 5 minutes. It's boring. I haven't missed work due to anything CML related in 4 months. My BCR-ABL has been stable at a "greater than three log reduction" for over one year.

And so I've moved on. This is the end of my CML chapter. Maybe someday another chapter will be written on this topic. I hope not, but I'm not worried. There is no use in wasting the time I have been given worrying about what may happen with the cancer I carry around inside of me. I grieve for the "cancer" friends I've lost, and I hope for the ones still struggling to find stability and normalcy.

I take my pill every night, and I live my life. There will be no more posts to this blog unless something outstanding happens related to CML, either for good or bad.

And so in the words of my favorite segment of Saturday Night Live: "Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow".

7 comments:

Annie - Steven's mom said...

Hi Matt

What a wonderful and inspiring blog - thanks!

Have a pleasant tomorrow.

love and light
Annie

Anonymous said...

so soory that you've decided to stop posting...as someone new to CML I found your blog insightful...however, now that your life has returned to somewhat normal, I can see the reasoning behind wanting to get on with it and leave the CML as far back in your mind as possible...I wish you continued success on your journey

Cheryl Thornton
new cml'er
dccjb.thor@sympatico.ca

deepti said...

Hi Matt,

For a long time ur Blog has given me hope and made me feel that we r not alone. I am grateful to u for sharing all the details. I wish u, Wendy and Ur lovely son BEST OF LIFE and Happiness...I am seriously in tears..U have helped indirectly by putting ur thoughts in the blog...GOD bless u. see u.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you and your family. And I am so glad that there is an end to this story. A happy end.
Denise in Santa Clara

hockeychic said...

This is good news! Best wishes to you and your family.

mck said...

What an uplifting, encouraging post! I was diagnosed with CML on Friday and for the first time got online and this is one of the first things I've found online. Thank you for this post because I look forward to the day when my CML is "boring" too.

Joy Huber said...

Hi Matt! GREAT blog; I was diagnosed with stage four non-hodgkins lymphoma at the young age of 33 March 24th, 2010. I'm in remission now (but still doing maint. chemo. every 8 weeks!) & have gone on to found "Cancer with Joy" to help others through their experience. CONGRATS on your baby, and I'm really happy you've reached "the end" of your cancer journey!

Joy Huber
Cancer with Joy