Monday, June 23, 2008

More Side Effects

I have a lot of pain in the my leg bones from knees to my hips. It feels like growing pains from when I was young, only a lot worse. It took over a day to figure out whether I could take Advil while taking Gleevec to alleviate the pain. In the meantime, walking was painful, sitting was painful, laying down was painful... you get the idea.

I'm still very nauseated at night. It's a focused nausea, more in my intestines than in my stomach. Sometimes it's painful just to roll over. I get very tired, very easily now too. Getting out of bed before 9:30 takes a heroic effort. If I do get up earlier, I feel like shit the rest of the day. I've been getting into work late, and even when I'm there I'm not very useful. I have a hard time concentrating and an even harder time caring. I have cancer, what the fuck do I care if I meet a deadline or not?

It's funny the things I've started to think about. I called my insurance guy and had him send over estate planning information. Wendy and I will need to get a will drawn up. Where do I want to be buried? Will I live to see our baby finish college? High school? Elementary school?

I don't want this cancer. I didn't ask for it, and I don't deserve it.

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